2 Chainz – Birthday Song (feat. Kanye West)

2 Chainz, Just Some Good Old Fashioned Family Friendly Fun!

By: Some New Broad

Guess who’s gearing up for a spot on the next release of Kidz Bop? That’s right, our dear friend 2 Chainz. At least, that seems to be the goal he had in mind when changing his name from “Tity Boi” to “2 Chainz” last year. Here’s an ACTUAL quote from Mr. Chainz…I can’t even make this shit up:

“I just came up with it [the name change] yesterday over a big bowl of kush for breakfast…Lately like the last year or so, I’ve been saying it in introducing my records like ‘2 Chainz!’ and kinda making it family friendly.”

I’m really excited that this move has validated activities like ‘pimpin’ and ‘trappin’ as family friendly, because I was getting a little worried that my parents weren’t going to give me what I wanted for my birthday…A big booty hoe, of course!

But here’s the craziest part about the name change…It actually WORKED. Doesn’t give you a whole lot of faith in humanity, does it? Since the name change, 2 Chainz’s sales hit #58 on Billboard and he’s recorded tracks with Kanye West (see video above), Nicki Minaj, and Drake. Now he’s all over the place! Apparently as a country we just love us some “family values” in our honey bunches of kush.

Since when can you just change your name and image and suddenly appeal to EVERYONE? It’s like nobody noticed that this is the EXACT SAME GUY that sucked last year! If I change my name to John Mayer will Taylor Swift write a doe-eyed he-fucked-me-over-because-I-loved-him-for-some-reason-and-still-want-him-back-yay-blonde-hair song about me? (This is a life goal). Seriously though, are we dumb enough as music listeners to not care that everything is the exact same (see: pimping, trapping) and believe that a new rap name really defines a new you? I get that people do change, albums have different messages, and people like Christina “X-tina” Aguilera have successfully gone through more changes than Huey Mack preparing for a date with Mike Stud. But, even if Justin Bieber gets a hair cut that makes him look less like a lesbian, he’ll still have the same level of talent, musicianship, and the ‘swag’ that ex-swagger-coach-Ryan bestowed upon him, right?

It all comes down to marketing. Scream your stupid name in a song enough times and you can brainwash the  public into thinking that you are actually relevant/talented. If you listen to 2 Chainz and honestly think to yourself, “Wow, what great musicianship,” then you deserve a brand new hole in your head. You listen to 2 Chainz because you are told to listen to 2 Chainz and he’s popular right now because you’ve been made to believe that he is popular. Nothing but a bunch of mindless goddamn sheep.

Shout out to every blog who raced to post his new video today! For real, no way you’re part of the problem.

 

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