3one3 – The Cottages

I was recently lucky enough to stumble upon this gem as I was cleaning out my iTunes library earlier this week. This song from a group I went to college with called 3one3, was their pathetic attempt at creating a summer time “anthem” for the most popular college pool at Mizzou (at the time)…The Cottages. I’d like to preface the rest of this post by letting you all know, THESE GUYS WE’RE 100% SERIOUS ABOUT THIS SONG…it in no shape or form was meant to be a joke.

This grotesque arrangement of audible excrement has the lyrical prowess of an illiterate stuttering second-grade simpleton. I imagine the writing process went something like this:

Idiot 1: “How are we ever going to become popular and get people to listent to our music?”

Idiot 2: “Maybe we could write a song about something all the cool kids do during the summer…”

Idiots (in unison): “THE COTTAGES”

Idiot 1: “Ok. So what do they do at The Cottage Pool?”

Idiot 2: “I think they ‘chill’…I’ve seen a bunch of Facebook statuses that say people are ‘chilling’ at The Cottages.”

Idiot 1: “So, it’s cold at The Cottage Pool?”

Idiot 2: “No, silly goose! I think it’s slang for ‘hanging out’ with friends.”

Idiot 1: “Ok, that’s good. So for the chorus we could just say that we’re ‘chilling’ by the pool over and over again. What else do people do at The Cottage Pool?”

Idiot 2: “Well, I’m fairly certain they lay by the pool!”

Idiot 1: “Genius! People AT the pool definitely LAY by the pool…now what rhymes with pool?”

Idiot 2: “…Cool?”

Idiot 1: “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?! So, if we say The Cottages, chilling, pool and cool enough, then people will really get into the song, right?”

Idiot 2: “Duh! I mean how could they not?! Also, I think we should mention getting drunk as often as possible.”

Idiot 1: “But we don’t get drunk! We aren’t even old enough to drink! Won’t we get in trouble?”

Idiot 2: “Sometimes, you just have to live life on the edge…”

(The two idiots awkwardly slap high fives, grab each other’s asses and then proceed to record their summer “anthem” on a tape recorder they bought at a garage sale earlier that day.)

THE END

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