Dear Taylor Swift…

Dear Taylor Swift, I am never ever listening to your songs again…like, EVER.

By: Some New Broad

Taylor Swift recently captured the attention of the music world by breaking Billboard’s digital sales record with her new track “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, a song about some guy that got sick of her and then wanted to bang her one more time and then broke up with her again. Now she’s stepping up to the plate and calling him on his shit in the way she best expresses herself, basic lyrics (an I Can Read! Book Level 3) and a simple guitar strum.

What bothers me most: all of her songs revolve around some guy who is calling all the shots and has more control over her than Kate Upton cat daddy-ing has over a college freshman with the room to himself for ten seconds. Examples: “He’s got one hand on the steering wheel, the other on my heart” (from “Our Song”), “he says everything I need to hear and it’s like I couldn’t ask for anything better” (from “The Way I Loved You”), and “dreaming about the day when you wake up and find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time” (from “You Belong With Me”). Even the subtext gives her absolutely no agency, as if she doesn’t have a drivers license or can’t operate a phone (green button to call, T-Swift).

Taylor Swift’s audience is primarily pre-teen girls selling out their local Walmart’s fabric paint supply, designing t-shirts to wear to her “It’s Hard Being A Chick Sing-Along” concerts. These girls are making this disrespected, mistreated, naive blonde their goddess because they understand what it’s like to feel insecure and the only one without a date to the spring fling. As a role model, shouldn’t she be a little more concerned with the example she’s setting for these kids? Instead of “I stare at the phone, he still hasn’t called” can’t you go do, I don’t know, ANYTHING ELSE? Waiting around for a man is possibly the most pathetic thing ever, and instead of giving any guy the power of deciding your happiness, just channel Beyonce and be all “I could have another you in a minute”. And, bonus, guys will actually respect you more and want to spend time with you instead of dumping you 24/7 if you have your own life, happiness that doesn’t depend on them, and are independent and generally awesome.

On that note, shouts to the biggest bro in music (other than Kanye West), John Mayer, for
inviting her to ‘collaborate’ on the song “Half of My Heart” so that he could take advantage of
her Romeo complex and bang the cutie every college age dude seems to have a raging boner for…I guess her bahhhdy is a wonderland? “Dear John” is the best (worst) song she’s ever written; it’s like she missed the memo about John Mayer and his Rolling-Stone-debut as the world’s biggest douche – and John didn’t even let her have the glory of a serious collab, mixing her vocals so low they’re basically inaudible.

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