All posts in FAIL


I Actually Know Music

Last week, the Twitter account @FuckMusicBlogs tweeted at me that he was a fan of the site. Always nice to hear…but after further review of his account, I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that made me question exactly what I am doing with…allow me to elaborate.

As you can see in the tweets above, this self proclaimed “music theorist” recently decided to attack as many music blogs as humanly possible via Twitter. I don’t fault his strategy, as controversy and feuds can often help build an audience quickly, rather I take issue with his execution. First, what grounds does this guy have for taking such an angry, hateful and immature approach to “calling out” these blogs? What is he doing to help better the music community he is so upset with and where can we see this “highly educated, music enthusiast’s” credentials? I find it highly unlikely that this kid is as educated as he claims to be, otherwise, why would he resort to 4th grade playground name-calling tactics in order to prove his point (whatever that may be)? The way I see it, this is a prime example of an angry young man upset with never being invited to the cool kids’ birthday parties seeking revenge on those who chose to exclude him (although, I’m sure they had their reasons).

What bothers me most about @FuckMusicBlogs (whoever you are), is the fact that I feel somewhat responsible for inspiring this invidious idiot. Call it narcissistic or egotistical, but this kid was clearly familiar with BMAD before entering into his Twitter tower of hate.

Fuck Music Blogs

I imagine he saw the blog, thought it was funny and wanted in on the action, so he decided to create his own Twitter account and emulate what he thinks it is that I’m doing…but he got it all wrong.

I spent months working on trying to decipher the most suitable tone for the site, as to not spew unwarranted hatred or personally attack anyone, but rather poke fun, call people out on their bullshit, provide constructive critiques, make people laugh and expose fraudulent trends in the music scene to educate audiences and keep them informed. I thought this website could serve a purpose contributing to the greater good of the music community by doing all of these things…but this scornful snake hiding behind his computer screen has made me question whether this blog is serving the greater good or motivating a movement of disgruntled youths to pollute this blog scene with their jealous vile.

My biggest issue with this kid is how he contradicts himself and consequently lumps himself into the same category of the people he claims to hate.

By tweeting at successful music blogs in the hopes of evoking a response, aren’t you essentially doing the same thing as these blogs who tweet their articles to artists? I’d argue that that is exactly what you are doing, only in a more pathetic fashion as you have nothing to offer other than ignorant hateful remarks.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: Fuck you, @FuckMusicBlogs. You are a sad, misinformed miserable excuse for a “music enthusiast.” If you hate this music blog scene so much, then attempt to do something about it other than trying to emulate me and regurgitate your mis-interpreted substance of my site.

So, if I see you mimicking this deplorable dumb-ass, I promise, I will crush you in the same fashion as @FuckMusicBlogs, who after reading this will surely cower in the corner of his room and cry as his “hero” has just taken a giant dump on his “movement.” Get a goddamn grip and quit jocking music blogs nuts, you intolerable imbecile.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.


3one3 – The Cottages

I was recently lucky enough to stumble upon this gem as I was cleaning out my iTunes library earlier this week. This song from a group I went to college with called 3one3, was their pathetic attempt at creating a summer time “anthem” for the most popular college pool at Mizzou (at the time)…The Cottages. I’d like to preface the rest of this post by letting you all know, THESE GUYS WE’RE 100% SERIOUS ABOUT THIS SONG…it in no shape or form was meant to be a joke.

This grotesque arrangement of audible excrement has the lyrical prowess of an illiterate stuttering second-grade simpleton. I imagine the writing process went something like this:

Idiot 1: “How are we ever going to become popular and get people to listent to our music?”

Idiot 2: “Maybe we could write a song about something all the cool kids do during the summer…”

Idiots (in unison): “THE COTTAGES”

Idiot 1: “Ok. So what do they do at The Cottage Pool?”

Idiot 2: “I think they ‘chill’…I’ve seen a bunch of Facebook statuses that say people are ‘chilling’ at The Cottages.”

Idiot 1: “So, it’s cold at The Cottage Pool?”

Idiot 2: “No, silly goose! I think it’s slang for ‘hanging out’ with friends.”

Idiot 1: “Ok, that’s good. So for the chorus we could just say that we’re ‘chilling’ by the pool over and over again. What else do people do at The Cottage Pool?”

Idiot 2: “Well, I’m fairly certain they lay by the pool!”

Idiot 1: “Genius! People AT the pool definitely LAY by the pool…now what rhymes with pool?”

Idiot 2: “…Cool?”

Idiot 1: “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?! So, if we say The Cottages, chilling, pool and cool enough, then people will really get into the song, right?”

Idiot 2: “Duh! I mean how could they not?! Also, I think we should mention getting drunk as often as possible.”

Idiot 1: “But we don’t get drunk! We aren’t even old enough to drink! Won’t we get in trouble?”

Idiot 2: “Sometimes, you just have to live life on the edge…”

(The two idiots awkwardly slap high fives, grab each other’s asses and then proceed to record their summer “anthem” on a tape recorder they bought at a garage sale earlier that day.)


Chris Brown’s New Tattoo…

Chris Brown battered woman Tattoo

Soooo, Chris Brown got a tattoo of a battered woman’s face on his neck. He claims it is to serve as a reminder to everyone that he once beat the living shit out of a woman (Rihanna). The face looks eerily similar to the pictures taken of Rihanna after Brown went to town on her face a couple years back…but of course, he denies that to be true.

Personally, I think the tattoo looks like a perfect target for a man’s fist. I believe Brown got this tattoo to tell everyone who sees him exactly where they should punch him; right in jugular. As penance for being arguably the biggest piece of shit in the entertainment industry, I believe everyone who comes in contact with Chris Brown should get one free haymaker to that ugly ass tattoo on the side of his stupid fucking neck.

P.S. Sweet hair and awesome beard, you festering pile of shit.

Want to Hear the Worst Song Ever Recorded?

How can you make DubStep, Screamo or miserable white-boy rap music any worse? Combine them. Combine them into the most terrifyingly atrocious sounding sequence of noises ever strung together. This is, without question, my pick for the worst song ever recorded. Won’t you join me in helping to stop this singular clown shoe from making any more music?…Here’s his Facebook: skaD

skaD - The worst song ever recorded

Anyone Remember The “I Saw The Sign” Remix from Mike Stud, Kinetics and Hendersin?

Undoubtedly, one of the most embarrassing songs to ever hit the interwebz, Mike Stud, Kinetics and Hendersin’s remix of “I Saw the Sign” by Ace of Base has secured a spot in the BMAD hall of fame. The only thing more embarrassing than the original video (which has been marked as private on Youtube…good call guys) would be if someone were to record themselves in their car rocking out to this pathetic excuse for a song…turns out, that video exists, thank GOD!

Watch as this typical blogstar fan lives out his dream of rocking the stage as he drives to school where he will surely endure a day of ridicule and harassment from his peers for being a complete tool. I for one, would never record what I do in a car and put it on Youtube, but this dickhead did, and for that, we thank you!

Sidenote: If anyone can find a link to the original video, please send it my way. Anyone who succeeds in this task will win a lifetime supply of Chocolate Teddy Grahams and a one hour meet and greet with The Baha Men.

3 Dickheads w/ Guitars – SEC Bound

It seems as if Mizzou trying to become the laughing stock of not just the SEC, but major Universities in general. How many garbage ass songs does one University need to release before someone steps in and teaches them a lesson? I’ll be at Mizzou next weekend for the Georgia game, and if I run into any of these little turds, I can assure you, tears will be shed.


Huey Mack Gets “Edgy”

Move over Kanye, kick rocks Eminem, step aside Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails, there’s a new pugnacious powerhouse in town! Have you seen this video? Surely you’ve heard about it on the news! It’s the most “edgy” video from hip-hop’s new king of controversy, Huey Mack! Why is this being labeled as the most “edgy” music video to surface since Nas crucified himself on a cross…well get this, Huey Mack and his gang of hooligans flip the camera off…SEVERAL TIMES!! I for one am outraged!

This feeble attempt to be edgy (the Youtube description literally says “Thought we’d get a little edgy with this week’s video release”) is more comparable to watching a small child accidentally say fuck for the first time in front of a group of adults. Of course it’s adorable and hilarious, but after dropping a couple F-Bombs, it loses its luster.

Personally, I don’t see the appeal of Mr. Huey Mack. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s alright, and better than most of the shit you hear coming from kids his age these days, but how does he have such a mass appeal. I’m thinking it has to do with the fact that it’s easy to like anyone who looks like a cross between Baby Buddha and a Teddy Bear. Don’t you just want to pinch his cheeks?! Careful though, if you try, he might give you the middle finger…edgy.

Huey Mack is Edgy


Steezy – Pudding Smile

A couple weeks ago, we posted 10 videos all from artists named Steezy and asked you guys who was the worst…this guy is our winner. I have to admit, I’m a little nervous about posting his video because he strikes me as someone who is just unstable enough to hunt me down and harvest my organs. Pretty sure this dude needs to be on close watch 24 hours a day…kind of seems like all the warning signs of a homicidal maniac are evident in this video.

Aside from the raw lack of any discernible talent, this Steezy topped our list as the worst because of his raunchy lyrics delivered with the confidence of a pre-puebesecent band geek….Steezy, please don’t murder me.

Best line in his rap…..“Tell your girl to stay a while/She always leaves my place with a pudding smile.”


Bad Random Video…Even More Random Comment

Yes, this video is pretty bad…obviously, it’s not meant to be taken seriously as a song, but at the same time, it’s still kind of pathetic to watch two grown men try SO hard to be funny. Anyway, the reason this video is making an appearance on BMAD is because when I stumbled upon it on Youtube, the top comment made my head nearly explode. Enjoy.

Most Random Youtube Comment

Sky Rizzo – Young and Reckless

Nothing scream “Young and Reckless” like silly string, passing notes and six person beer bongs at the grocery store…Right?!?! So RECKLESS!!!! The most reckless thing about this is Jon Kilmer clearly supplying 15-year-olds with alcohol for this epic failure of a music video. Someone get Chris Hansen on the phone…