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Guest Roast | Keystone Species – Next Up

“The hardest thing to do nowadays, in my opinion, is chill. How do I do it most of my life? I don’t know. But its dope!”

- Keystone Species

Well if that isn’t the most confusing and equivocal video intro of all time, then smack my ass and call me Obama. What the hell does this line even mean? I guess for this idiot’s generation, doing any activity, even one as mundane as “chilling,” is considered to be a huge accomplishment. The kicker is, this kid can’t even figure out HOW he chills “most of the time,” but one thing is very clear, IT’S DOPE!

I received this video as a submission and wasn’t planning on touching it (the intro just kind of sent me into a dark place), but luckily, we have a guest roaster who wanted to tackle the video. Here’s what he had to say:

“I really like the artistic approach they took with the introduction: complete silence, as prepubescent teenager gazes off into the distance. Sick bowl cut bro! This video should really be labeled as a PSA. I literally had no idea how hard “chilling” could be. I mean solving the national job crisis is difficult but chilling…don’t even go there. How does this kid do it so well? Well apparently one of his strategies is hitting tennis balls with golf clubs in empty parking lots. Hmmm…yeah I’ll probably give that try…or I’ll just “chill” a little less hard instead. My favorite part of the video is how he drops the mic/macbook in the very beginning and then goes in with a very soft tone (probably because mom and dad are asleep). I’m ashamed to share the same state as this idiot. It gets even better once the other half of the group goes in. All he wants you to know is how average he is! Wow!!! Being an average teenager has such an appeal to me as a fellow teenager!!!  For the love of fucking god, this whole “Mac Miller, I’m an average teenager rapping about my life and how normal I am” horseshit has gone on for too fucking long. But apparently, being an average kid is going to make him dollars, made clear after he gestures to a “Moneyflo” ATM. These kids are going places. Most likely community college.”

 

RiFF RaFF Freestyle on Sway in the Morning…

This dude is famous…people pay to see him in concert…people are allowing this dude to continue making “music.” Today, he was on the radio show “Sway in the Morning.” If anyone needs me, I’ll be banging my head against a rock for the next couple hours.

Young Children Make Rap Song/Video

So here’s a bunch of tiny children (known as Y.N. Rich Kids) rapping about Hot Cheetos & Takis…because what else would children rap about? I think this song has everything it needs to be a huge radio smash…seriously. Super repetitive hook to get stuck in listener’s head? Check. Nonsensical lyrics that even the most mindless drone can compute? Check. Tiny Waka Flocka feature (at 2:45). Double CHECK!